My Loved One Needs Help From A Distance

You might live some distance from a loved one who needs your support – an elderly parent, for example, and you may wonder what you can do for them. Many caregivers are in this situation, and we’ve learned from them that you can help, even from a great distance.

Long-distance caregiving may be a challenge. But there are ways to make it work. We will take our learnings and empower you with helpful advice to do some long-distance caregiving in this article.

Long-distance caregiving means looking after your loved ones from afar.¹ It usually involves living at least an hour away; sometimes in another city, state, or even country.¹

A long distance caregiver could be:

• Adult children
• Siblings
• Nieces or nephews
• Close friends

For example, you might live out of state but pay monthly visits while managing daily care through phone calls and help from people nearby. It’s more common than you might think - about 15 percent of Americans are long-distance family caregivers.¹

Starting Out: Make a Plan 

A great way to start this journey is to talk to them and learn about their situation, the potential difficulties they face, and the level of help they need. This will help to form the foundation of your care plan, whether long-distance or at home.

Then try to identify local resources and options you can manage remotely. Coordinate services for them (for example, arrange for local caregivers or cleaners to visit them, then follow up by getting back to them at an agreed time, making sure there aren’t any problems).

Make notes about your loved one's medical condition and any legal or financial issues. You can manage their health and medical records, and travel to join them on medical visits whenever possible.

Don’t forget about their social life. You can give your loved one emotional support through your mutual contacts or find out when they’d like to have company and arrange for a family member or friend to visit them at that time.

Remember to make lists to keep close. Include contact numbers, insurance information, account numbers, and other important details. Also, find out as much as you can about his/her illness and any treatment they might need to your plan.

Assessing Your Loved One’s Care Needs Remotely

Assessing a loved one's needs from afar can be hard, but it's not impossible. Understanding their emotional well-being, medical needs, and daily routines is key to providing meaningful support.

Here are a few ways to stay informed:

• Phone or video calls: Actively listen, ask specific questions, and look for changes in mood, memory, or behavior.
• Check-ins from neighbors or friends: A trusted local can provide updates and alert you to any concerns.
• Home monitoring tools: Devices like medication reminders, motion sensors, or emergency alert systems can offer peace of mind.
• Geriatric care managers: These professionals can assess your loved one's needs in person and help provide services for a fee.

Deciding Whether to Move Your Loved One into Your Home

Moving your loved one into your home may have crossed your mind because you want to give them the best care within your means.

You are not wrong; having your loved one around could mean:

• Less anxiety over their safety or care.
• Companionship for both them and you.
• Reduced costs if you currently help cover their rent or care services.
• Another opportunity to reconnect with them.

But moving into your home may also come with some other considerations:

• They could be lonely, even when you're around because they've left their friends and home.
• They may be frustrated over adapting to their new living arrangements.
• You could get overwhelmed with round-the-clock responsibilities if they are dependent.
• You spend more money if your home doesn't fit their needs.
• There may not be enough professional support available in your area for them.
• It could reopen old wounds, especially if neither you nor your loved one resolved past hurts.

It's important to weigh these pros and cons based on your relationship and situation. To help guide you, here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Do they want to move in, or are you assuming it's best for them?
• Can they safely manage on their own, or do they need daily assistance?
• Is your home physically fitted and comfortable for their needs?
• Will you be their primary caregiver, or will you rely on outside help?
• Are local caregiving or medical services available nearby?
• Can you realistically balance work and caregiving, and if not, what support can you access?
• Are you financially prepared to support their care at your home?

If your loved one lives on their own, you can still watch their well-being. During your regular check-ins or video calls, watch out for the following signs of declining health:²

• Frequent falls
• Unsteady walking
• Weight loss
• Excessive fatigue
• Difficulty seeing or hearing
• Skin breakdown
• Unkempt appearance
• Spaces in their memory
• Changes in their mood
• Difficulty communicating

Spotting these signs can feel overwhelming, but there are proactive steps you can take to help keep your loved one safe and supported:

• Fall-proof their home with grab bars, non-slip mats, and clear walkways.
• Set up regular deliveries of hygiene products to ensure they’re always stocked.
• Schedule a medical checkup and monitor their prescriptions.
• Keep their pantry filled with their favorite, easy-to-prepare meals.
• Ask trusted neighbors to check in or keep them company from time to time.
• Hire professional caregiving support if more help is needed.
• Stay connected through regular calls and help organize visits from family and friends.
• Make use of TENA resources like: hygiene guide for caregivers, elderly skin health, and home safety of the elderly

• As they’re living alone, your loved one can probably take care of themselves most of the time. Even so, you can help make their life easier by helping them choose the right type of incontinence protection. TENA disposable incontinence pants are designed like normal underwear – easy to put on and do not require assistance. 

If you’re a long way from the person you’re trying to help, you could organize regular visits from neighbors, friends, and family. Then, they could keep you updated on how your loved one is doing. You might even suggest to them that you could hire a local professional caregiver to look after them and keep them company. Whatever you agree with them, it’s important for them to have a local contact in case of emergency.

Finding Community Programs and Services

You don't have to do it all alone; several community programs and services could offer you support; they include:

• Local senior services
• Adult daycare
• Home meal delivery
• Transport services
• Health visits

To access these services, you can contact the following organizations:

• The Eldercare Locator will help you find information on the Area Agency on Aging services for your loved ones' area.
• Meals on Wheels America for home meal delivery services.
• The National Adult Day Services Association for Adult day care services.
• The National Council on Ageing Benefits Checkup to see if your loved ones qualify for care services.
• The Family Caregiver Alliance database for publicly funded programs.

Building a Local Care Team

When you’re long-distance, you need a network of support for your loved one. It will help to put together a care team. It doesn’t need to be large; it just needs to be reliable. It might include:

• Paid caregivers
• Close neighbors
• Friends
• Volunteers
• Family members

Here are a few tips for building and managing a strong support team:

• Run necessary background checks on any paid or unfamiliar helpers.
• Clearly share your expectations with each person.
• Create a care plan for your loved one so everyone knows their role.
• Rotate tasks to prevent burnout and keep things manageable.
• Stay organized across tasks with apps like Lotsa Helping Hands.

Organizing Household Tasks and Routines

Here are some tips to help them with their daily household tasks even from afar:

• Schedule cleaning services to come on a weekly or bi-weekly basis to help with hygiene.
• Use delivery services for grocery shopping.
• Schedule prescription refills with a pharmacy that offers delivery services.
• Automate bill payments or use financial power of attorney to take over the financials completely.
• Ask neighbors for help putting away the groceries and service confirmation.

Scheduling Regular Check-Ins

Daily life can be overwhelming and hectic, and it's easy to forget to check in. But staying consistent shows your loved ones that they're always on your mind.

Here are some ways to build regular connection into your routine:

• Block out time in your calendar for dedicated check-in days.
• Choose what works best: weekly video calls, daily morning texts, or evening voice notes.
• Set reminders to help you stay consistent.
• Organize group calls with other family members for shared moments.

Of course, whenever you can, it will be good to visit your loved one yourself. Then you can find out their physical, emotional, and financial needs first hand. But technology has made it easier to keep in touch from a distance.

Devices and Apps for Monitoring and Communication

Several devices and apps can help you monitor and stay connected with your loved ones:

• Video calling apps like FaceTime, Zoom, and WhatsApp let you see and talk with them regularly.
• Caregiving platforms such as CareZone help you store and share important medical information.
• GrandPad is a simple tablet for seniors, making it easy for them to stay in touch.
• Medication reminder apps like Medisafe and RoundHealth send alerts to help your loved one take medications on time.
• Smart home devices such as Alexa can control lights, set reminders, and provide hands-free assistance.
• Health monitors, including fall detectors built into smartwatches, notify you if your loved one needs help.

Staying Involved in Healthcare

Staying involved in your loved one's health from a distance can feel impossible. Still, there are several ways to stay connected and informed:

• Arrange virtual medical appointments and ask if you can join via video or phone.
• Speak with your loved ones' doctors and home nurses regularly to receive health updates and share any concerns you may have.
• Review appointment summaries, test results, and medication changes together to stay informed and up to date.
• Use a central care folder or apps like CareZone to organize and securely store all medical records, medications, and care notes in one place.

If your loved one has a cell phone, it’s a good idea to make sure they know how to use it. And that they’ve saved important numbers on it. Some carriers have free online or in-store tutorials and lower-cost calling plans for seniors who use their phone only for emergencies. 

Also, it’s worth looking into the helpful phone modifications that are available for elderly people – for example, voice-activated commands, larger buttons, and compatibility with hearing aids. 

We don’t always want to think of it, but emergencies may happen, and if they do, you and the care team need to be prepared.

Essential Medical and Legal Documents

In case of an emergency, these documents could help your loved ones get the care they need, even if you're unavailable. They include:

• Health care power of attorney: It allows a chosen person to make medical decisions for your loved ones when they can no longer do so.³
• Financial Power of attorney: It allows a chosen person to make financial decisions for your loved one when they can no longer do so.³
• A living will: It is a medical directive that tells the doctors in explicit detail what your loved ones want and don't in their care, when they can’t.³
• Insurance details: This allows your loved ones to receive care without hesitation.
• Contact list: It makes sure the right people are notified in case of an emergency.

It's important to keep both hard and digital copies with you, your loved ones, and those on your care team.

Emergency Response Planning

Try to think ahead and ask yourself what you would do if your loved one had an emergency. It’s good to keep a note of local contacts who can be available at short notice. Also, you’ll need to be ready, with money set aside, to travel to your loved one’s home – at any time. 

You might like to buy an alarm bracelet for them to wear – if they agree. These devices can be activated at the touch of a button to alert you or a local caregiver in case of emergency. 

All of these are important parts of your emergency plan. Although when making it, be sure to include your loved one’s hospital preferences and save some emergency money in case of unexpected care.

Caregiving is an emotional task, even more so when you can’t be close to your loved one. We’ve put together some tips to address the realities of long-distance caregiving.

Coping with Guilt, Stress, and Disconnection

It's okay to feel guilty, disconnected, or even helpless. It all stems from not being as present as you want to be and the emotional toll of caregiving. It's important to recognize that you're still supporting your loved ones in several ways.

Here are some mindful ways to cope with the emotional impact of remote caregiving:

• Be kind to yourself.
• Set realistic expectations.
• Make use of support groups like the AARP community forum.
• Share your difficulties with friends and family.
• Practice self-care like journaling.
• Seek professional help if needed.

Want to learn more about how to deal with the emotions that come with caregiving? We’ve put together a useful guide for caregivers like you.

Asking for Help and Knowing Your Limits

It's easy to feel like you must handle everything, but caregiving can be demanding. Taking on more than you can manage can lead to caregiver's burnout,4 and when you're burned out, both you and your loved one suffer. So, share tasks with others when you can, and remind yourself that your well-being matters too. Remember, good caregiving means knowing when to ask for help.

You might find it really helpful to hire a professional caregiver who can provide your loved one with meals, personal care, and other services. A geriatric care manager, or social worker, could also look after your loved one. 

Key Takeaways and Resources for Long-Distance Caregivers

Long-distance caregiving isn't that different from being there in person; It just takes some thoughtful planning. Even from afar, you can still make a meaningful difference in your loved one's care. All you need to do is focus on:

• Assessing your loved ones' needs.
• Building a local support team.
• Using helpful technology for caregivers.
• Being ready for emergencies.
• Staying emotionally connected.

Here are some caregiver resources, support lines, and technology tools to help you on your journey.