What to Keep in Mind When You Become a Caregiver for Elderly Parents

The thought of caring for your loved one may have you feeling a bit out of your depth. Caregiving may have come as a surprise, or the emotions crept in slowly.

What once felt like love and devotion might now feel more like duty. The patience you once had might feel thinner, and at times, frustration with your loved one may surface.

It's okay to feel this way, caregiving is demanding and could come with physical, emotional, and mental stress.¹ It could leave you feeling isolated, frustrated, and even neglecting your health.¹ That's why it's important to prioritize self-care, and set boundaries and expectations early.

Let’s look into caregiving 101 to help you be prepared and take care of your elderly loved one.

Naturally you want to take proper care of your loved one. That means preparing and planning. You need to:

• Learn everything you can about your loved one's current health status and condition.
• Create an action plan. This means setting realistic expectations about their health and the level of care they may need and speaking to their doctors to understand medical needs and long-term plans.
• Check if their home meets their current needs or prepare their home for caring.
• Organize any contact information and important documents. You could also meet with a legal or financial advisor to explore the power of attorney or care-related costs.
• Talk to others, get support from them and share the caregiving workload.
• Also remember to involve your loved one in planning their care whenever you can.

We’ve got helpful tips on how to achieve these things. They’ll help to make your caregiving a lot easier.

How to Talk to Your Loved One About Care Needs

When caring for your loved one, sensitive conversations about their changing needs will eventually come up. They may resist your suggestions or even deny that they need your help. Yet, this isn't the time to push or persuade. Instead, take a step back and try to see things from their point of view.

It's completely natural for them to feel hesitant, particularly when it comes to personal or intimate care. Giving up control is never easy, especially if they were independent not long ago.

Timing also matters. It’s helpful to choose a calm, quiet moment, maybe after a relaxed day, to gently open the conversation. Try to make it feel like a shared planning session, rather than a decision waiting for acceptance. This way, they’ll feel respected, heard, and part of the process.

You could try phrases like:

• What do you think about me helping out more around the house?
• I've noticed you seem a bit tired lately. Would it be okay if we talked about ways I can help?

Learn: Understanding Diagnosis

Be sure to get full details of your loved one’s current condition. If your loved one has symptoms that concern you, talk to their doctor and other medical experts. Ask them to explain your loved one’s condition.

This will help you to feel more confident in your caregiving. It could also benefit the person you look after. With an early diagnosis, she or he might be able to keep taking care of her/himself for some time yet.

Is the person you care for incontinent? Urinary incontinence is a common problem, and many different medical conditions lead to it. Learn as much as you can about it. Then you can choose the right solutions and the best products for your loved one.

When you know all about their condition, you’ll find it easier to take care of them.

Create A Plan

It’s important to think ahead and plan your caregiving. This will help you organize your time, so that you don’t become overwhelmed. It will also ensure your loved one gets the care they need – for example, their medicine – when they need it.

We recommend creating a caregiving plan. Write down how you’ll care for her/him and outline the caregiving tasks to do for the next few weeks or months. Then you can discuss your plan with the person you’re caring for – and the people who might be able to support you.

Discuss Your Workload

Hiding your problems won’t help. It just makes them bigger. So, talk about your loved one’s situation with your family and close friends. Let them know about all the work your caregiving involves. Chances are, some might be willing to help you.

Most people know very little about what it’s like to be a caregiver. So, your family and friends will probably be interested to hear about your experience. The more they learn about the good job you’re doing, the more likely they are to offer support or come up with practical suggestions.

There’s nothing wrong with saying what you need and asking for support. When someone offers you help, don’t shy away from accepting it.

The person you care for may be unsteady on their feet or bedridden. In either case you will need to make their/your home safe for them to move around, or safe for you to move around while you take care of them. Also, to make your life as a caregiver easier, you should arrange your caregiving environment to make it as efficient as possible.

Get tips on preparing the home in Home safety.

It’s good to be organized when you’re caring for someone. It helps you feel confident and prepared for the future. Keep important contact information and documents in one place, where you can find them quickly. You might want to make a list of contact details for doctors, lawyers, and local pharmacists.

Does your loved one have a poor memory? If so, be sure to write down their passwords (and keep them secure). And make a note of their friends’ or other family members’ contact details.

You’re human, not a robot. And even if you have a lot of energy, there’s only so much you can do on your own.  

If you’d like to give your loved one the best possible care, then try to find others to relieve you. People who can take over your responsibilities when you’re tired. They could be helping you with grocery shopping, helping around the house with cleaning etc. or with transportation to doctors' appointments.

Of course, sharing your caregiving work with family and friends is great. But if you can, get professional support. For example, consider hiring:

• A nurse to assist you at home
• A company that delivers meals to your home
• A live-in companion to help you with tasks

If that’s not possible, try to get social care support from your local government.  

Stay in touch with caregiving communities or support groups – and with medical institutions or organizations. All of them can usually give you the help you need. You’ll find a list of links to such organizations here.

Not sure what caregiving supplies you need? That's okay. You don't need a big setup. Start with a few basics and adjust as your loved one's needs change.

Here are some essential supplies for elderly care at home:

Bathroom Safety

Wet floors and slippery tiles can increase the risk of falls. To help your loved one stay safe while bathing or using the toilet, consider supplies like:

• Grab bars near the toilet and shower
• Non-slip mats
• A shower chair

Daily Hygiene

Helping your loved one feel clean and comfortable can boost both their comfort and confidence. If they experience incontinence, stocking up on incontinence products could make hygiene routines easier and less stressful.

Medical Needs

Keeping track of medications could get overwhelming. A simple medication organizer, sorted by day or time, can help you stay on schedule. Also, create an emergency contact list with names and numbers of doctors, neighbors, and nearby family members, just in case.

Comfort

Choose clothing that supports mobility and comfort. Breathable, loose-fitting clothes can help them feel independent and make dressing easier. You might also consider:

• Replacing laces with Velcro shoes.
• Swapping zippers and buttons for pullovers.
• Trading heels for supportive flats.

Being a sole caregiver can be frightening or even lonely. It's almost like every task is on you; it's enough to leave anyone overwhelmed.

The good news is it doesn't need to be this way. Here are some ways to help you build a lasting routine and ease the burden.

• Plan a week ahead but leave room for impromptu events.
• Ask for occasional help from friends or even a neighbor.
• Set clear boundaries to avoid burnout.
• Consider respite care, like adult day programs or in-home respite care, to help you take a break.
• Be realistic about what you can handle and delegate the rest.
• Consider getting professional caregiving support, such as a home health aide.

Remember, you matter too. In conversations with family, be clear about what you're going through, what you need, and where your boundaries lie. At the hospital, don't hesitate to voice your concerns and ask questions if something feels unclear.

Juggling caregiving with work or parenting might feel impossible, but with the right strategies, it's possible to create a routine that works.

• Prioritize daily tasks and reschedule what can wait.
• Use a shared calendar to organize work hours, school runs, and caregiving duties.
• Speak to your HR manager about caregiving leave policies or flexible hours.
• Delegate where possible to family, friends, or professional support.
• Block time for yourself, even if it's just 15 minutes a day.
• Make use of unexpected free time to rest or reset.
• Always have a backup plan for emergencies.
• Group errands or appointments in the same area to save time.

You don't have to do it all alone; help is always near. Here are some resources for caregivers for you to bookmark:

• AARP Family Caregiving: They offer checklists, guides, and tools tailored to new caregivers.
• Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA): Provides education, and support for family caregivers.
• Eldercare Locator (from the U.S. Administration on Aging): A free national service that connects caregivers to local Area Agencies on Aging. Helpline: 1-800-677-1116.
• National Alliance for Caregiving: Offers research, policy insights, and resources for unpaid family caregivers.
• TENA: Provides expert guidance and a full range of incontinence care products designed for home caregivers.
• Local community centers, religious organizations, and respite care providers: These communities within your city could provide support groups, training, or even short-term care.